Fully Present

There are two crit­i­cal cre­ative forces in my life today — recov­ery and karate.

Recov­ery saved my life; karate gives me one way to hon­or­ably show up for it.

I got sober in 2001 — had been crushed by alcoholism.

I spent most of 2002 on crutches and a cane – couldn’t walk fifty yards with­out stop­ping and sit­ting down and rest­ing. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I took a step it felt like some­one was pound­ing nails into my feet. Doc­tors had deter­mined ampu­ta­tion was the answer for my right leg. My cir­cu­la­tion was shot – rem­nants of thirty-one years of alco­holism and smok­ing.  I had part of my foot ampu­tated ten years ear­lier due to gan­grene – lifestyle rem­nants. I was lit­er­ally an invalid. But I got lucky. After being on the receiv­ing end of eight hours of bypass surgery on my leg and 18 months of recov­ery and I was ready for phys­i­cal activity.

I didn’t know I would find some­thing – karate – that would reach inside of me, close to the foun­da­tion of my recovery.

At that time – as it is today – recov­ery was the cen­ter of my life.
Uncom­pli­cated basics repeated over and over and over and over; once the steps of recov­ery are taken, you just take them again, hope­fully a lit­tle better.

Recov­ery works for me when I am open, will­ing and hon­est.
In recov­ery, the new­comer is the most impor­tant per­son in the room.

Humil­ity is the foun­da­tion of every­thing you learn.

In March of 2004 hav­ing recov­ered from leg surgery, I found karate.
Uncom­pli­cated basics repeated over and over and over and over; once a kata or a basic set is learned, you just do them again, hope­fully a lit­tle bet­ter.
Karate has worked best for me when I am open, will­ing and honest.

At karate class the new stu­dent is the most impor­tant per­son in the room.

Humil­ity is the foun­da­tion of every­thing you learn.

Recov­ery reminds me I did not have any answers. Karate teaches me I don’t even need to know the questions.

Recov­ery reminds me that daily rou­tine is the path to free­dom. Karate teaches me repet­i­tive prac­tice is the path to creativity.

Recov­ery has made my road in life much nar­rower. Karate pushes the road through ter­ri­tory I never would have dreamed of seeing.

Recov­ery requires me to show up every­day ready to be teach­able. Karate teaches – prac­ti­cally – how much I can learn when I am truly a student.

I have learned that dra­matic change occurs “undra­mat­i­cally” – by sim­ply doing the next right thing in recov­ery; and in karate, doing thou­sands of rep­e­ti­tions and cor­rec­tions and prac­ticed move­ments – over and over again.

In the same way my life has been rebuilt through recov­ery beyond any of my dreams; my phys­i­cal being has been reshaped by karate past any expectation.

Every­thing I attempt in my life phys­i­cally is bet­ter because of my karate train­ing: ski­ing, golf, play­ing bas­ket­ball with the kids, ‘chop­ping wood and car­ry­ing water’, any phys­i­cal activ­ity – any­thing requir­ing relax­ation and flex­i­bil­ity to achieve power and speed. Every project or task I under­take seems bet­ter; small, mean­ing­ful, thor­ough steps bring work to more suc­cess­ful com­ple­tion, more quickly with fewer mis­takes. Every fail­ure or short­com­ing I expe­ri­ence is in con­text – I am a stu­dent of life, and have the gift of short­com­ings from which to learn. This last fact is rein­forced by rela­tion­ships in the dojo: pos­i­tive, direct and forth com­ing; sup­port­ive, under­stand­ing and accepting.

Before recov­ery I saw my life as a hell-of-a-lot more road behind me than ahead of me and not much on the hori­zon to look for­ward to. Recov­ery gave me prac­ti­cal spir­i­tu­al­ity and the gift of a clean slate – a chance. Karate is a cat­a­lyst for pos­si­bil­ity, a new way to look at my world and three things I need to show up with every­day – grat­i­tude, humil­ity and a will­ing­ness to serve others.

What I love most in karate is kata: the ‘books’ that con­tain so many secrets, hints and answers. Move­ments that are con­nec­tions to a peo­ple who cre­ated this amaz­ing dis­ci­pline not as way to enter­tain them­selves, but rather a way to defend their homes, fam­i­lies and way of life with their empty hands. And all the ‘books’ com­bine to pro­vide the source of, lit­er­ally, a life­time of poten­tial learn­ing, pos­si­bil­i­ties and teachings.

Karate has become – for me – a gift that I am grate­ful to receive each time I show up ready to learn, ready to prac­tice, and ready to serve

I’m grate­ful for my teach­ers, Sen­sei Bill Mar­tin, Sen­sei Kevin Mar­tin and their teacher, Sen­sei Neil Stols­mark; for all my dojo class­mates, espe­cially for my Shodan train­ing part­ner Sem­pai Tim Kledans.