Hunting

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It’s easy to show up after a mean­ing­ful week­end at the Jesuit retreat house at DeMon­tre­ville, out­side Lake Elmo Min­nesota; spend­ing the time stum­bling through a sliver of the “Exer­cises” Ignatius Loy­ola wrote cen­turies ago; three days ‘dis­posed’ to soli­tude, silence, self-reflection.

Half-way through cof­fee with a fel­low pil­grim on the Mon­day morn­ing after, a break­through occurred — why am I going through the reg­u­lar rou­tine this morn­ing feel­ing com­pletely odd with no clue about why? I was relaxed, reflec­tive and really in an amaz­ing place — but oddly uncomfortable.

Then it hit me, I left what­ever resent­ment, anger and  fear I had back there, in the retreat cen­ter. So I’m uncom­fort­able with what I received; which was what I was hunt­ing for, only I didn’t know it; I don’t know how to be com­fort­able in the present. I’m adjust­ing, still feel­ing great today although I know it’s like one of my pals said about all the fear and resent­ment being gone, “Don’t worry, it’ll be back before You know it!”

True enough.

It’s deer hunt­ing sea­son, so over the retreat week­end before any­one goes out on the grounds they grab an orange vest to avoid being acci­den­tally mis­taken for a four-legged buck. Dur­ing my walk on Sat­ur­day I spot­ted a fel­low ‘pil­grim’ across the field; in a blaz­ing orange vest search­ing — hunt­ing — for what the retreat might offer — blaz­ing orange and in the hunt!

I know I received more than I expected at DeMon­tre­ville and every­thing I needed.
I hope he did too.

This is a great time of the year for me to take a lit­tle extra time and do some reflect­ing on what’s going on, where are things headed, what I have to be grate­ful for. Maybe it is for You too.

If so, good hunting!

Nov. 9, 2011

Choo Choo Bobs

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Not sure how much bet­ter it could be for a kid that loves trains and cheese­burg­ers than an hour or so play­ing with lit­tle wooden trains at Choo Choo Bob’s Train Store in St Paul, fol­lowed by a visit to McDonald’s.

My cell phone didn’t work in Choo Choo Bob’s.

An unex­pected gift.

July 19, 2011

Outboard Bound

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May means fish­ing. Fish­ing means boats. Boats mean out­board motors. And there is no bet­ter place to take an old out­board for the repair You put off last fall than Twin City Out­board down in Sav­age, MN.

Twin City is an old joint packed to the rafters with motors dat­ing back to 1906. Gas motors, trolling motors, duck hunt­ing motors, 2-stroke motors; You name it.

This is the third time I’ve taken the motor down there. It’s a 1964 John­son 9.5 which I bought used about 10 years ago. It takes a lot of abuse, so, it needs a lot of help. But it’s a good horse and a good sec­ond motor for a small boat if You don’t need to go too very far too very fast. Every time I get it fixed it costs around two hun­dred dol­lars and takes about two weeks and lasts for about two years.

Nice to know there are things You can still count on.

May 13, 2011

Tall pine; back nine.

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There is a long, tall slen­der pine on the back nine of what, over the last 18 years, had become my favorite place to play golf; not far from where one brother threw a pitch­ing wedge far into the woods in dis­gust, another hit a 290 yard drive and where last Sun­day, I played what might be the last round I ever will at the Lake Course at King­wood Coun­try Club.

We have met there the sec­ond week in April every year for the last 18.

Next year our annual out­ing will be up in the hill coun­try so get­ting back to Hous­ton not be an annual event any­more, if I get back there at all.

Pulling away yes­ter­day in the jet, look­ing down on my for­mer home, think­ing about what my life was like 30 years ago when I lived there, what has hap­pened, and what its like now, I had a pretty sav­age sad­ness well up; I was fly­ing in a small jet, hemmed in by a large dude in the next seat. I had to breathe like crazy — like some­one in labor or a sprinter — to keep from panic.  It was odd.

I finally was saved from try­ing to claw my way off the plane, by grat­i­tude — that was the only way to find my way out of the morass of emo­tion I was drown­ing in.

Grat­i­tude worked thank good­ness. And though I wasn’t com­pletely sure what was going on, I guess now I know it had to do with the fact that there’s more time behind me than ahead of me. But, that doesn’t have to mean I’m on the back nine.

Yet.

April 18, 2011